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Love Lesson #8: On Beyond Perfection

Steven is a dynamo in every respect, a man of enormous energy and generosity. He has gifts of insight and the ability to see opportunities at exactly the right moment—along with the fearlessness to leap into the moment and seize the day. Because of these qualities he has become very successful at every endeavor. Throughout the years he has been diligent in using the financial rewards of his successes to support the people he loves. He has given generously back to the community to support the good of all. He has in turn been abundantly rewarded through the universal laws of attraction and he truly understands such flow. As good flows into him he openly and bigheartedly shares his rewards with others. Steven is always looking for ways to increase the joy and pleasure of the moment and to attend to the creature comforts of himself and everyone he loves. He somehow always gets his way. If he can’t seduce it, he will find a way to conquer it, and if it stands in opposition, he will attack it with every article of ammunition he has. He is extraordinarily resourceful both mentally and physically.

Steven is used to being in charge. He is so good at everything he does and so good at so many different kinds of things, there isn’t a person who wouldn’t be impressed with him. He has an attitude of excellence about everything he does. He also takes pride in his accomplishments, as well he should, because they are numerous. However, sometimes his pride becomes ego and he has to prove that he can do things better than anyone else. It is true, he usually does do everything better, but it really is difficult for most people to match up to his level of excellence and he can be “unforgiving” when his expectations are not met.

Steven’s adventurous spirit has taken him to the four corners of the world. He has participated in safaris with bow and arrow, raced motorcycles and snowmobiles. He loves any kind of power machine that will bring new challenge, including the challenges of serious accidents and years of rehabilitation. But his indomitable spirit and the loving support of his family and friends have helped him overcome every challenge.

It goes without saying: he is an overachiever at business and sports—not just watching them, playing them; not just any sports, power sports. But he also has an incredibly romantic soul. He calls it “his hopeless romantic” side, but he’s more a “hopeful romantic,” though a bit afraid he would never find the love of his life. He imagined a woman who would be his equal in playfulness and sensuality, a woman of courage and adventure and fearlessness; at the same time, a woman who would have just a little bit less knowledge or experience for whom he could always be the hero, the helper, the protector…the person who takes care of everything for her.

Steven is charismatic and attractive, with a loving energy and playfulness that are huge and creative, but his standards are so high that few could keep up with him. He would certainly incite jealously in the insecure because he is boundless in his attempts to interact with new people and max out experiences of pleasure and enjoyment. I’m sure that if anyone ever challenged him to twirl four plates on sticks while he was negotiating a million-dollar real estate deal on the phone, he could do it, proving once again how multiphasic and supremely talented he was. And most everybody he knows would take the bet that he could accomplish such as thing too.

Still, something was missing in Steven’s life, something primary, when he didn’t have a lover and a playmate with whom to travel and share his joie de vivre. He was very clear about what he was attracted to and what he wanted. He was fully intent on finding a voluptuous, sensuous, charismatic, adventurous, world traveled, socially competent, self-confident goddess to share his life, travels, and joy. And he knew he deserved it. Nothing would stop him now because he always gets what he wants.

He had heard about a women’s conference for those with “Voluptuous, Heavenly Bodies” and immediately booked himself a room at that resort for the week. If he was ever going to find his magnificent woman she would surely be attracted to that gathering. When he was pulling the curtains open in his room upon arriving, he saw, walking down the beach right in front of his room, a goddess in the flesh.

He didn’t want to call out to her and have her think he was a nut, and yet he didn’t want to lose her either. He knew he had seven days to find her again. Fortunately for him, he didn’t have to look very far because she showed up at the swimming pool when he was there. He was ready. He had his massage gloves on his hands and poked his nose right up like the irresistible playful otter that he is. He swept her off her feet and continued to sweep her off her feet for months.

His attention to detail in every aspect of romance was completely disarming. He used candles, fragrance, the best restaurants and gifts, as well as perfect manners, tenderness, sensuality, sweetness and playfulness. His boundless energy for play and sex and the patience to make it always worthwhile were all in alignment with his devotion to excellence in every aspect of his life.

The woman of his intentions was not easily seduced because she was very independent and self-assured, but she was very impressed by everything she was seeing and experiencing. She loved his attention to detail and the way he remembered everything she liked and made sure she always had it at the perfect moment.

Steven continued devising more fun and more events to attend, new places to fly to and new life experiences. She was very attracted to his confident nature and his social ease and beautiful manners. She mentally thanked his parents over and over for teaching him the best manners she had ever seen, and she really appreciated every kindness including the fact that he watched his language around her.

For two years they traveled magnificently together, perfect travel partners. She was as fearless and adventurous as he was and could arrange her schedule to travel and play as often as possible. After a year he started coming to her home and she was again completely impressed and astonished at how wonderful he was to her in fixing everything around the house. “Wow,” she thought, “He’s handsome, mannerly, accomplished, socially adept, generous to everyone, and a Mr. Fix-It!” This was almost too good to be true.

They again found something they were good at together and had a wonderful time planning and executing projects. Never a conflict, always a balance of work and play, plus cook outs with friends and all of the best things of life at every turn. They were completely compatible and content. What a wonderful life this was turning out to be for both of them. Steven’s only discontent was that he couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t completely mushy in love with him. No matter how much he did, he never felt that she totally surrendered and fell head over heels in love. Every time he saw her, he was enjoying and appreciating her more, and this was making him feel there was an imbalance. He wanted all of her love, attention, and devotion.

Steven’s life had really been taking some hard hits and everything about his family situation was changing. His daughters were adults now, creating lives of their own and no longer completely dependent on him. They had men in their lives, and the conflict inherent in a situation in which children assert their own individuality was evident. He wasn’t feeling as needed and there were frequent, upsetting flare-ups. He acquired a new business, a company in severe financial trouble that was taking a tremendous amount of his energy. He rose to the occasion and was pulling it all together as usual, but it was taking a toll.

Steven hates it when he doesn’t feel on top of everything, yet we all go through times of intense stress when we just get depleted. His goddess recognized this when he came for one of his visits. Even though the typical amount of excitement was on the agenda, she let him know that anything could be changed. The most important thing was for him to get some nurturing and rest, that their weekend should be devoted to his well-being. He was exhausted, and the usual energy and intensity that he put into pleasing and taking care of everybody else was just not available to him.

She shelved their plans and made sure that he was massaged and pampered. He bubbled in the Jacuzzi, and she made love to him in his favorite ways and places. They ordered in food, and they cuddled and talked. His stress was melting away and they both felt a sweetness and closeness they had never experienced together before. She felt herself let down another layer and felt him get closer to her. She thought, “Maybe he will someday let down the barrier and allow himself to experience love for who he is and not just what he does.”

There was contentment, peace, tenderness, and such incredible sweetness. A few times during the weekend he expressed some concern that he had to pull back because he was feeling too much love for her and was feeling too protective. It was beginning to cause some problems for him. He didn’t know how to do less or love less sparking his “all or nothing at all” reaction. She knew he was in a “nothing at all” mode. She had seen it before.

Perhaps he was testing her to see what she would give if he held back. This gave her an opportunity to show him that even when he is exhausted and thinks he can give nothing at all, she has been paying attention to everything he needs and likes and she will give him everything she can. She just hoped that it would be good enough, because his standards for himself are so high that he is a really tough act to follow.

It is much easier for Steven to give than to receive and he was trying to find a way to pull back some of the feelings of love he had for her. It must have been even more difficult that weekend. She was doing everything at every moment to satisfy him and create a peaceful, loving, nourishing environment so that when he returned to work after the weekend he would feel renewed. He was feeling more love for her, but it felt too uncomfortable to be the receiver and not the giver. The only way that he could pull back on his love was to find something wrong with her.

He had to get back to some feeling of safety. This love was feeling like an avalanche. There was nothing he would not do for her, fix for her, or buy for her. He would do anything to make her laugh and feel happy. He was feeling insecure because he didn’t know if she felt the same for him.

In his efforts to curb his discomfort, he finally found an indiscretion, a tiny omission of information. He finally felt as if he had her where he wanted her. This was proof she wasn’t the most perfect woman in the world. She was incapable of meeting his standards of truth and excellence. He didn’t have to love her so much. He could pull back now. He was safe, because she wasn’t perfect.

“Now that I’ve found out she is not perfect, can I still love her?” he asked himself. “Can I find a way that I can feel safe in love with her? Can I find peace and contentment?”

This is the test. Can the phoenix rise from the ashes of the burnout and be even more spectacular and splendid? Can we experience unconditional love where we both feel confident? Can we walk independently and splendidly together as we grow in a new kind of loving experience that glows in radiance? Can we share a love that has nothing to do with possessiveness and everything to do with mutual support?

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